i was just looking through the camp photos dawn sent. and frankly, don't kill me on this, me being me, i don't think i missed that much. sure, i missed all the talks and stuf like that. but heck. i definately know i wouldn't have enjoyed the games. no no. i cannot stand games which involve me getting wet and dirty. which is why i'm kinda dreading the nus orientation that i have no choice but to attend. seriously. i mean, i enjoy watching the rest of you enjoy yourselves. but ask me to take part...no way. whatever. that's just me.

i think mothers can be so unreasonable sometimes. most times. maybe all the time. here are some of my (apparently) biggest sins.

1. i didn't go for the church camp
2. i refused to teach my bro
3. i refused to join the nus catholic student society
4. i didn't attend mass 2 sundays ago
5. i talked back about the JL salary thing
6. i'm disturbing andrew with what i'm doing everyday
7. i hang out with my friends and am organising a chalet

so there you have it. my 7 deadly sins. and so she's not talking to me. wanna hear my side?

1. i didn't join the church camp cos of a lot of factors. the biggest one being that verena asked at a really bad time. lame excuse sia. but then, i think that if she had asked me at another time, i would have gone. but, then being then, i was really sian of life. so no point in going. anyway, lucky i didn't go cos i fell sick on saturday. i had walking flu. runny nose, sore throat, blocked ears. it got worse cos that day i was out, went to esplanade with jas and zaidah and group. thought it would pass but apparently it didn't. so imagine if i went to camp.

2. i refused to teach andrew because firstly, i feel that he's old enough to study on his own. if he has questions, he's old enough to know how to ask without me having to ask him first. i think the biggest factor is that when i was his age, i handled everything on my own. and so i see no reason why he can't do the same. especially since he comes from a much much better school than me. they should have taught their students to be independent. and frankly, he's old enough to know how to ask if he needs help.

3. i refuse to join css same reason as why i'll refuse to join say, outdoor activities club. i have no interest. so i see no need to join. religion is of less importance in my life. and so why should i join? daddy says can have social interaction. as if css is the only means of social interaction. aunty brenda says maybe can find future husband there. i didn't go to nus to look for a future husband. daddy says that i need to mix with people other than duan hui and sumi. i plan to join choir. they don't. nuff said. mummy says i should join cos lots of people recommend. so? lots of people recommended andrew to join scouts and join sji. and what happened? it didn't exactly benefit him i think. whereas me, everyone recommended against sac, mjc and choir. but it has benefitted me more than anything. so i think i'll keep my own judgement on this. and frankly, the more people nag me about it, the more i won't do it.

4. i didn't attend mass 2 sundays ago. for people who don't know, i was working full day shift on that weekend. so there was no time to attend mass except the sunday morning chinese mass. but i was really exhausted. seriously. i had just finished working 12 hours on saturday. and i was in no mood to wake up at 6am just to attend mass. and so i didn't. and she thinks it's a deadly sin. whatever. anyway, it doesn't matter to me. attend or not, my life is still the same. and in that situation, i rather get enough rest so that i won't make mistakes at the cash till. god is not going to be any help if i screw up there.

5. the salary thing is complicated. firstly, the salary banked in was less than what was supposed to get. so i suggested that maybe it's cos of my cash till mistakes. and i really think so. but she blew up she was like...
mother: i thought you said cashiering was ok?
me: it was.
mother: so what you talking about making mistakes?
me: it's ok!
i mean, i may make mistakes now and then but overall it's ok. but as usual, she refused to listen. anyway, i msged francisca to ask if she got the same problem. and she said she also was paid short. so i told mother that francisca also got the same problem. and then she ask me how much F was paid. i said she was paid $100 short. and so she blew up at me again. *rolls eyes* hello? you were the one who told me not to tell my salary to other people. and here you are asking me how much my colleague is making. why don't you practice what you preach? if you don't want me to tell other people my personal stuff, why should i ask others their personal details? and as usual, she refused to listen to me. fuck.

6. for the record, i am not disturbing andrew. it's all in her mind. i specifically make sure that he can't hear the music that i play on the radio. i don't turn on my computer music when he's doing work. i close my room door when i'm watching tv so that he can't be distracted by the sound/picture. and it's not my fault that the computer is now in full view of his room. that's daddy's fault for moving the computer up here. it was perfectly fine where it was. now, it's a distraction, whether on or off.

7. there seems to be some offense in hanging out with my friends. does she expect me to hang around at home all day? i have a life. and it's not like i go out everyday.i consider myself very good already. no one else helps out at home. they're all really slacking at home. they don't have to do housework. they can go out when they want. they can watch what they want. sometimes, all the times, i wish mummy went back to work. or maybe i need to find another job. now is when i start to regret that i didn't choose to extend at JL. life would be better if i did. and the chalet thing. i only mentioned, long time ago, that we were thinking of renting a chalet for ourselves. and i never mentioned a thing since. she's the one who was telling me about the special promo thing at costa sands. and now she's refusing to book for us cos she's apparently pissed off with me. what the hell?? i didn't ask you. you're the one who's encouraging the chalet thing. and now that we're actually beginning to get organised, you're refusing?! fuck.

so there you have it. my sins and my side of the story. just typing this pisses me off. so angry now. i just refused to go out. and that's going to be added to my list of sins. but i'm glad that i'm alone at home. i like the solitude. no one's going to come and scold me for no reason.

i hate my life.